You can't pardon the unpardonable

 "I have the absolute right to PARDON myself." - Marmelade Baby

Um... no. 

If a President could pardon themself, Nixon would not have needed Ford. 

You, Donald, are not currently charged with anything (although why the hell not, nobody knows). Somewhere down the line, somebody decided that a sitting President cannot be prosecuted for their (rampant) crimes. (here's the scholarly bit, added after-rant "The U.S. Justice Department has a decades-old policy that a sitting president cannot be indicted" https://www.vox.com/2019/7/24/20708393/robert-mueller-report-trump-olc-justice-department-indictment-charge-sitting-president )

So while you're, ATM, laughably, president, you are not being charged with any crimes and the President can only pardon the guilty, 'cause otherwise, there is nothing to pardon, since you're not even being charged there's absolutely no way you would have been found guilty. Yet.

Upon your eviction from the Presidency (and I'm certain that it will be an eviction because you wouldn't know dignity if it punched you in your pasty face nor grace if it tripped you going down the stairs so you will have to be dragged, in the middle of a toddler tantrum, out of the building you derided as a "real dump". (More scholarly bits - "“That White House is a real dump” https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-white-house-dump_n_5981003be4b0353fbb33554c) ), you will not yet have been convicted of anything and therefore there will be nothing to pardon. When you are finally called on your rampant, disgusting, and myriad crimes you will no longer be President anywhere but in your delusional mind and so unable to pardon yo' nasty ass.  

So, no, you do not have the absolute right to pardon yourself. You have the absolute inability to do so. Time and logistics forbids it. 

You are, however, in the whiny Donald Trump Presidential catch-22 of can't-pardon-myself-even-if-I-wanted-to-even-though-I'm-not-actually-guilty-and-I-don't-know-why-y'all-won't-just-leave-me-alone. Will I look less orange in an orange jumpsuit?

You👏can't👏pardon👏yourself👏dumbass

BULLET POINTS

ONLY President can pardon

If President, not criminal

Only criminal can be pardoned

If criminal, not President

Criminal cannot pardon

No President, no pardon 

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I've also been reading Anne Perry's William Monk mysteries and binging Outlander on Netflix but that's completely irrelevant! And how dare you for asking! Nosy.

11/15/2020 (March 237, 2020)

I knew it!I I just didn't know what I knew.  I felt like everything had gone wrong, that everything had gone absolutely off the rails but I didn't know what exactly had gone wrong or why I felt that way and then, when I graduated college the second time, and everything fell apart I thought it was me. 

The whole thing is rigged! It really is rigged from the top down and I just didn't realize it. I thought it was all conspiracy theories. But when logical, well-versed, eloquent people are expounding on the subject and pointing out what you felt but couldn't put into words so you didn't believe it so you f*****  knew it, you felt it but you didn't know it but when you can finally pinpoint it and put it into words and actually see where things went wrong...

I didn't realize the whole system is just... it's screwed and it's got to be fixed from the top down. We did it a hundred years ago, until the people who are in power now (about 40 years ago) decided that this was simply unacceptable and not all boats had to rise together because all the other boats could be sacrificed as long as their boats kept rising.

So the things that they have actually, systematically, done to us over the past 40 years has got to be stopped and more than stopped - it's got to be reversed and it's just so much and it all plays in together - this part pushes on that part and this part pulls on that part and how do you fix that?

I see glimmers of hope, but it's been so rigged, so so rigged. I can't even believe it because I never... I didn't want to see it, I guess. Nothing was supposed to be this way. Trump got into office and then Trump almost won a second term and I started looking at it and thinking about it. How could this have happened, and why does half of our country want this marmelade baby in charge? Just because he lost the election, doesn't mean those folks who advocate chopping Biden-supporters up are suddenly reasonable, progressive adults. I stopped being confused as soon as I left myself see what I didn't want to see. They're not duped, they won't "see the truth" if someone could just find the right angle, argument, statistic. They voted for him because they wanted him and all the disgusting things he stands for.

You know what? This happened because this is us, this is what we want. But WHY!? is this what we want? Why on this-once-and-possibly-again-green Earth when it is so very revoltingly, incredibly completely wrong? and I couldn't believe that the people that we vote to run our democracy,  in our government are actually so very against government. Why do we all have to sacrifice our lives so the corporations can keep having high stock prices and it doesn't matter if those stock prices really mean anything - they can kill each other, gut each other, buy their own stocks just to inflate their meaningless prices and so on and so forth over and over again and we get crushed in the gears! We get ground to pulp to service stock prices. They make the decisions and we live in the mess. We were not put on this Earth by whatever Divine being or Force put us here to be wage slaves from birth to death, NOT when there are answers and there are other ways and the only thing that stops is the meat grinder. 

Here endeth the lesson